My Goals...I think.

I am feeling better now. You know what always makes me feel better? Ugly Betty. As odd as that sounds, she does make me feel better. I just had my good cry on the last episode....I feel so good now. But, I wonder, why does everything turn out good in the end? Why can't it be in the middle or something, why does something else have to end, before you can get the better stuff...it's just so complicated.

Anywho, I know remember who I am. What I want to do. Yet, I don't know who I am, or what I'm going to do. I mean, I love psychology, it's so interesting, but I love writing. I also like complex things that make you think. Such as puzzles, word searches, and whatnot. My possible career options are varied from psychologist, journalist (writer), lawyer, and the least possible one to happen, detective.

I've always wondered how people think, and the "Why" under everything. Why do people do this, or why do they do that. I also love, love writing. Though, I'm not very good. I think I'd like to start off in journalism or something, then proceed to becoming a full on writer. Writing is something that I really, really like. I love it. It makes me feel...complete, alive, content.

Yet I want something that I can live off, I want to be a good writer, I want to be the best. I also want to live in London, or New York. I want to be the "cool aunt in London" or "my awesome tia in New York" I mean, seriously. Whenever I think of that, that is my dream. I get all excited. That is what I want to do. I'm just confused, who'd hire me?

I also want to lose weight. Though, no matter how much I lose it wont matter much. See, I have an overall big frame. I am never, ever, EVER, going to fit in size 2 jeans, or size 4. Never. This one time I did lose a lot of weight, and I looked horrible. My cheeks were sunken in, you could see my cheek bones, my clothes were all baggy, I kinda looked homeless....anyways, yeah.

I AM going to be nicer, and friendlier, and just nice. I am so mean, I seriously need to stop. I mean, fear can be good, to a certain point, then it's more of an abuse, dontcha think?

So, I am confused about my career. Psychology, Journalism, Lawyer, Detective? What suits me best, can can you see me doing? Also, why are things better in the end?

Amirite? or Am I Wrong??

Hey, everyone!! So, I was talking to this one teacher. She had told the class to not do a part of some paper, and I did it, you know, to make sure. She made a comment that I did not like. You know what she said? She said:

"Go sit down, I'm the teacher, I'm always right"

I was so shocked. Not only because I got in trouble for doing MORE work. Because she had just said that I was wrong, and just because she was the teacher, that she was right. I so mad after that! I mean, what kind of logic is that??? I counted and did my anger management exercises to not talk back to her or say anything to get in trouble...but seriously! Okay, correct me if I'm wrong, but that is not fair at all!!!! AT ALL!

Another teacher called me "defensive" and that it was "going to hold me back in life". Well, excuse me, Mr, when, exactly, did YOU become God. Why are YOU judging me? WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME??!!?!?!?!??!?!?!? It's my life, and after I finish my career, I can do whatever I want. I can be however I want. Why are you so worried about me? It's not like you care! I was soo mad. I almost like, transformed into hulk right then and there.

One thing you HAVE to know about me is you don't want to be on my bad side....especially if you're a teacher. If you're not a teacher, still. I can totally ignore you. I can make you cry, and make you feel bad. With no cussing. No yelling. No foul language. I am THAT kind of person. Sorry.

I can also be very playful, and nice, and funny. If you're a guy, and I punch you, I'm playing around, don't take it personal. Gosh, am I having trouble with that. I'm playing around! I'm sorry, I thought you were a guy. You aren't suppose to punch me back. Or hit me. If you really have a problem...TALK TO ME!! I cannot read minds!! (I'm working on that...lol) You have to COMMUNICATE!! I will stop. Other than that, I can be very weird, and funny, and just....me!

And, that is all. I think I'm done with todays' rant...look forward for tomorrows rant!! lol...Seriously...PEOPLE THESE DAYS!! GAHHH!!!

That Night

Old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old, old poem. Fiction. OLD, OLD POEM...No, I've never been seventeen. lol!

I wrote this when I was eleven...Try not to be so hard on me....lol

We both loved him, though, I have to say, she called him first

We'd been through rough times, but maybe this was one of the worst

Let me begin my tale of making the right decision,

When my head shouted "Who cares??!" and my heart whispered "You do, stupid"

This wasn't going to end well, was my vision.

He had amazing blue eyes, that sparkled in the day and sparkled in the night

His smile, crooked, sweet and bright.

He had a nice body, I do admit,

For he played many sports, he was fit.

His personality was simply great,

And we discussed him, and that when it began, our debate.

She fell for him first, but I quickly followed

I told her, for she was my best friend,

Told her we were going to play fair and square.

I laughed and I played,

Making sure I won the game.

She was beautiful, long brown hair, arcane eyes, and a contagious smile.

Let's not even mention her style!

I was surprised when he called me at ten at night

"Meet me at the park." He simply said,

"All right." I said, not sure what was ahead.

I walked to the park, and he was already there,

Laying there, in the grass, he looked like an angel, so magical, so rare

"Lay down with me." He whispered in the frilly night

I did as he said, and we stared at the night sky,

The moon was bright, such a sight.

"What." I finally managed out.

"I love you." He whispered, so this was what it was about.

He turned to me, and his eyes showed truth,

But this was the peak of our youth.

I didn't know what to do, I loved my best friend,

But I loved him too.

He leaned in to kiss me,

I turned and he kissed my cheek.

"Wha--" he started. I knew he would disagree, but it was one or the other.

"Come on, we're young, we won't be seventeen forever, we can get away with this tonight" he whispered in my ear.

"This is wrong, lets get it all clear," I started.

"I love you, but I can't do this to her." I barely stammered, as I looked away,

"I understand" I finally heard him say.

"I'm sorry." I said as tears filled my eyes,

"It's okay, she's lucky to have you as a best friend, you are very wise." he whispered.

I didn't leave we stayed there and we talked and we laughed and we became friends,

It was all good, and I tried with him, to make amends.

That night I gained a new friend, and I kept an old friend.

She never found out about that night, it would not have been bright to tell her.

I gave him up after that, this game was stupid, and it wasn't worth it.

A year later he moved, and we all cried, and we hugged, and we all were sad.

We exchanged numbers, addresses, emails, cell phone numbers, everything to keep in contact.

As I said goodbye at the airport, before he left, as he hugged me he whispered:

"I love you and I'll always will, especially after That Night."

Taking Risks

Taking risks is a big step. BUT, no matter how big it is, or how small. Or if it's wrong or right,in the ned you're always glad you take that risk. So, I took a risk. And, now, guess who has a fabulous boyfriend? ME! Haha!

He is nerdy, and a little dorky, but that is so attractive. He has amazing hair, and it's brown. He wears glasses, yum. Haha! He is the most romantic and fabulous guy ever. He is simply amazing. It's incredible how incredible he is. He is like flawless. He respects me, and he actually likes me. He likes who I am. I don't have to pretend, or wish anything. AND, AND, he's cute. I took a risk, and it turned out to be a wonderful.

My point is, taking risks, is good. It's good, whether the risk is good or bad...take it. The ending will most likely turn out good. My risk was wonderful. I can't believe it. He's like...not real. I really like him. I feel so lucky! I just don't wanna mess up. Not with him.

I mean, there's so many OTHER girls, who are thinner, and shorter, and prettier. I mean, he is like...wow. Haha. He's funny, and he is cute. Really cute. Ladies, back off. Seriously. I just feel insecure about all this. I mean, bleh. He is amazing. And, I don't wanna mess up. He is amazing. Just great. Don't be jealous, lady friends.

P.S Back off. Seriously. lol

Thank you!

Hey everyone! Well, I just wanted to shout out a great big THANK YOU! To all of you. For giving me a chance. For knowing me. For being you. Oh, that was SO corny. Yet it is true. And whatnot.

I also want to thank everyone out there giving me a chance, and whatnot. You are special. I am just hoping this is not a dream. I hope I never wake up, if I do, I will so hate it. I actually really like you! This had been a one-of-a-kind thing, I am not use to it. So I apologize in advance if I do something stupid.

Moving to lighter things! My mom gave our little shih tzu a hair cut. Poor thing. I hope she doesn't develop psychological problems. She looks like something freaking...chewed her. I was cracking up when I first saw her. Poor thing. lol

Moving on...I am so freaking happy!! Many of you have heard "Just The Way You Are" by Bruno Mars. The song is pretty corny, and at first, I hated it. Like with my whole soul. I was like 'Really? Who listens to that?? Ugh!" My feelings have changed. Ah, the joys of being a hormonal teenager.

What have you guys been up to? Any good songs? Bad songs? Do you like being a hormonal teenager?