So, I started reading Shakespeare. Thinking it'd be cool, and I'd seem smart. Yeah, well, my plan backfired. I was reading and half of the time, I had no friggin' idea what he meant or was saying. The other half, I was writing a story myself. In my head. So, my reading went nowhere.
I mean, I don't know why he was so great. According to my spell-check, he's mentally challenged. Or something. So, I gave up on Whats-His-Face and started reading Whats-Her-Face, Emily Dickinson.
So I read some of her poems, because, oh you know, people write pages and pages of essays about how great she is. Her poems don't make sense.. At all. I mean, what's up with:
"We lose because we win." What?? See what I mean!
Another nonsense line:
"Fame is a bee." No, no, no! A bee is an animal. That buzzes around flowers and eats...I don't know what it eats, but it eats.
Or, or:
"Water is taught by thirst." Technically, you can't teach water anything. It's WATER.
"'Hope' is the thing with feathers." No, a BIRD is the thing with feathers. What is WRONG with this lady.
Wait, it gets even better.
"On this wondrous sea,
Sailing silently,
Ho! Pilot, ho!
Knowest thou the sho--" Let me stop right there, how is she sailing silently is she's yelling "Ho! Pilot, Ho!" Another thing, it's a BOAT, not a PLANE. He is not a "Pilot" and who was she calling "Ho!" Oh my. I don't want to know. Mooovvviiiinnnng on.
"I never lost as much but twice," What? You didn't lose..but you lost twice. Oh, no, yeah, that makes PERFECT sense. I mean, her poems don't even rhyme!
"She died -- this is the way she died." Yeah, well, she probably died of boredom from your boring poetry that doesn't even make sense. I think Emily Dickinson was intoxicated while she wrote her poems. And looks how famous she is!
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