Shakespeare and Emily Dickinson

Hey, hey, hey

So, I started reading Shakespeare. Thinking it'd be cool, and I'd seem smart. Yeah, well, my plan backfired. I was reading and half of the time, I had no friggin' idea what he meant or was saying. The other half, I was writing a story myself. In my head. So, my reading went nowhere.

I mean, I don't know why he was so great. According to my spell-check, he's mentally challenged. Or something. So, I gave up on Whats-His-Face and started reading Whats-Her-Face, Emily Dickinson.

So I read some of her poems, because, oh you know, people write pages and pages of essays about how great she is. Her poems don't make sense.. At all. I mean, what's up with:

"We lose because we win." What?? See what I mean!

Another nonsense line:

"Fame is a bee." No, no, no! A bee is an animal. That buzzes around flowers and eats...I don't know what it eats, but it eats.

Or, or:

"Water is taught by thirst." Technically, you can't teach water anything. It's WATER.

"'Hope' is the thing with feathers." No, a BIRD is the thing with feathers. What is WRONG with this lady.

Wait, it gets even better.

"On this wondrous sea,

Sailing silently,

Ho! Pilot, ho!

Knowest thou the sho--" Let me stop right there, how is she sailing silently is she's yelling "Ho! Pilot, Ho!" Another thing, it's a BOAT, not a PLANE. He is not a "Pilot" and who was she calling "Ho!" Oh my. I don't want to know. Mooovvviiiinnnng on.

"I never lost as much but twice," What? You didn't lose..but you lost twice. Oh, no, yeah, that makes PERFECT sense. I mean, her poems don't even rhyme!

"She died -- this is the way she died." Yeah, well, she probably died of boredom from your boring poetry that doesn't even make sense. I think Emily Dickinson was intoxicated while she wrote her poems. And looks how famous she is!

Overdecorated Houses

Hey, read on.

I'm actually in a rather jolly mood. I get my brown, baby, chihuahua today. Her name is Cinnamon. Dogs make happy, awesome little dudes. Or dudettes. Whatever.

Anyways, my mom and I were driving and we see all these houses with so many decorations. They OVER embellished their home. I literally thought the house going to catch on fire or something. Maybe electrocute themselves.

Seriously.

I think these people were drinking and decorating or something. So many lights, so many colors, and inflatable HUGE Santa's. Well, folks, don't drink and decorate. Your house might catch on fire.

Happy People

Hello, hello,

Alright, alright, I know I haven't posted in a long time, but you know what? Shut up. Yeah, shut up, my dog died. I had him for a long time and some IDIOT ran him over. Seriously, people should have to, like, take, TEN damn tests in order to get their damn license. Yes, I cried, surprisingly, I have feelings. So now I'm filled with this brand new rage and frustration. Thank you, random idiot who killed the most precious thing I had. >:|

Anyways, I'm a pretty upbeat person. I laugh and I have a good damn time whenever I feel like it. And stuff. Anyways, even though I'm upbeat and all, I'm still pretty realistic. I'm not waiting for my damn "Prince Charming" ; there isn't one. Anywho, we ALL know that one person who is so positive. For me, I know, A LOT of friggin' positive girls.

I DON'T GET IT. How can they be SOO happy. There's murder, rape, and world hunger, and what do ya know? Here she comes...I swear, she is a naive optimist who walks around VOMITING sunshine. Look, I don't friggin' blame her, wait, no, actually I do. I use to be JUST like her. Walking around basically vomiting sunshine at random people. Ew.

Don't get me wrong, sometimes I like happy people, other times I don't and other times, I'm happy VOMITING sunshine and rainbows at people. I seriously think I suffer from bipolar disorder. Or some other kind of severe mental problem.

I'm leaving now. I'm damn tired and I have homework to friggin' do. And I need a new damn pet. That pet was the most precious, most expensive thing I had. I loved that thing. The only thing I purely loved and cared for. I don't think you understand exactly HOW MUCH I loved my dog. If I ever find the damn driver, I WILL kill him. I've seen enough crime shows, I think I'll get away with it. You just don't mess with my dogs or my books. You just don't.

I Like Being Me!

Hi, read on, read on.

Hi, if you know me, you know I'm overweight. And, you know what? I like it. You know why? I'll tell you why! I will tell you! If any of you get offended, I'm sorry, DEAL WITH IT. I have been dealing with it my whole life. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's not healthy, but, in reality nothing is "healthy" and even if you really try you can't have a "healthy" life style. Trust me. I've tried. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

Anyways, I like being fat because I can eat what I want. What I've noticed when I go out to eat with thin people, they're are all like

"No, no, I'll have a water and salad. No avocados."

Well, guess what? I'm already fat, I don't give a crap. I don't go Wendy's to get a salad, I got to Wendy's to get a Baconator. Those are good. :)

Another reason would be no one notices crap. If you're thin, and you gain give pounds, you're most likely up two sizes already and everyone is making a big deal about it. If you're fat and you gain weight, no one notices. I dyed my hair, I cut my hair, I gained weight, and no one noticed! I tell you, it really works!

Moreover, bigger girls ACTUALLY have a personality. I mean, growing up, people automatically liked you for having nice hair, and being thin. You never had to do anything special you just were. Guess what? No one "automatically" liked me. I was the chubby girl who had frizzy hair. I had to try, I had to develop a personality. I wasn't cute, so I had to be nice or funny. So, I have a sense of humor and sometimes I'm nice. I have a great smile, by the way.

The best part about being fat is the gays. I have known so many gay guys. They're just fun, they're lively, bubbly. I don't really know, but there is just something about the gays and fat girls, we just come together. We have a good time.

And that is why I like being me.

Why Would ANYONE Listen To Their Heart??

Hello, and welcome to my blog.

Why would ANYONE listen to their heart? Your brain is in your head. Your heart is stupid. Your heart doesn't know anything. All it does is feel a bunch of crap that you're clearly NOT suppose to feel. Yeah. Don't EVER listen to your heart.

Ever. I'm serious.

Now, now, children. Y'all might wonder what horrible love life I have. I don't. I've actually never had a real boyfriend. I've never been really kissed, nothing really. I'm a lonely person. Hugs? Yeah, who the hell doesn't give hugs? That's like saying hello nowadays.

Now, y'all are thinking I'm this disfigured freak. I'm not. I'm not beautiful, I'm not perfect, I'm not pretty, I'm okay. I'm not thin, I'm just okay-- We'll get into that next time. That a whole different story.

Anywho, yes. Never, ever, ever, listen to your heart. Your heart is nothing. It just feels crap it shouldn't be feeling. You have to turn it off. My heart is officially turned off. You better turns your off, too. If you expect too much, you're going to get hurt. If you care too much, you're going to get hurt. If you actually FEEL anything, TOWARDS anyone, you WILL get hurt. I'm just saying.